***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
