I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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