The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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