Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
