genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I could fuck to npr.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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