Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
