Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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