so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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