i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
