i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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