my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
