dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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