Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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