Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
