After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
