Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...