do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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