I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
