Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
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Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
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Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making