She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
