I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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