I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize