ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
