I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
