could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
