whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize