I wish my penis had an off switch
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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