you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
