i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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