omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
