just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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