piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
