I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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