I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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