she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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