She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
