; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
