Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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