I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
