Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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