The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
