I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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