So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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