lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
