I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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