Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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