shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
