You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
