I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
