He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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