Do vagina's smell?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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