took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
