Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize