i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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