Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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