WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
