I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
