hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
