I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins