im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Small penises have feelings too.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
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No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi