just survived the first fart of the relationship.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
