it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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