It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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