Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
