you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
