Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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