I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
