so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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