If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
