I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
