I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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