A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
