Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
