No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
