You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
