dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
