You're so nebulous sometimes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
