That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
