i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
