I'm jealous of your bromance
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
