i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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