So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
