the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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