Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
