apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
