i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
