drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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