You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When did angry sex become our thing?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
